This morning I printed off the 4 page form and as I sat at the kitchen table feeding Ryan his breakfast I completely and totally fell apart. I very rarely stop to think about our life situation. There's no need as it's our normal. When I realize that it's not normal are days like this. This morning was tough. It takes a lot for me to allow tears to come in front of the kids (or better yet for me to be so powerless to stop them) but I was just feeling so overwhelmed with a rush of thoughts of fear and stress there was little I could do. I quickly took to social media and posted some questions in a couple of my special and even non-special needs groups. I was flooded with lots of support and information from those who have been there or are about to go through the school thing themselves. I have never met any of the people who have offered me support over the years including today and likely never will but I am SO incredibly grateful to them all. I gripe and complain about technology and the pain in the a** of it all...but in all honesty things like the power of social media have offered me a place to go. A place full of people like me. A place of comfort and acceptance and a place full of information from those who are a little further along in their journey than I am. I like to think too that in the 3 years we've been living this "norm" that I have been able to help the odd person here and there.
When it comes to sending Ryan to school I have so many understandable doubts and concerns. He is mentally, physically and visually impaired. How can I possibly send him off into the world without me??? I can't. How can I ever trust a stranger to care for him and keep him safe the way myself and his family do? Maybe I'll feel different in 8 months. Maybe...
2011, 2012 and 2013 were spent learning and living in abbreviated terms like PT, SLP, EIS, EEG, MRI, ERG and so many others. It looks like 2014 will be spent learning about SERT (Special Education Resource Teacher), EA (Education Assistant), IEP (Individualize Education Plan) and probably lots of others I don't even know about yet! I've been dreading the flip into this part of the special needs world. I don't HAVE to send him...kindergarten is optional. He might benefit from being around other kids or it might be the worse thing for him. I don't know! I don't know! I don't know!
And the roller coaster continues...
